|
SubscriptionsSites I Read
|
|
|
|
| it...is hard to continue going on... and thinking that she will like me... or hoping that they would at any time...or at any point in the future, just think
you are told that love will find a way... that things will work out, and that life falls into its respective places as time goes by.
In this respect, it must be difficult, and heartbreaking to sit around when the person you want to be with demonstrates with obvious reason, that they do not see you in the same manner. I have been on the giving end of this frustration, this sadness. Except... for now, I am living the heartache on my own. I am scared to even share my mind with my friends. The same friends who I know and trust. I don' have the heart to expose myself. I worry they will frown upon me the same way that I frown upon myself when I think about it all.
I know this could all just be hope or blind wishful thinking - but everytime I feel I am attracted to someone, they are removed from my life faster than I can blink.
For once it has not happened... yet things still continue to not flow my way.
I hate it.
This is how a heart breaks.
| | |
| Summer Lovin'...
So summer's arrived. And what have I done - nothing. yay!
What would I like to do?
Grouse grind every week - twice?
Learn to ollie a skateboard (haha yeah right.)
Not hurt myself long enough (a week or two?) that my arms and legs would heal
Go to the beach
Tennis...
Ride my bike...
bike to downtown?
YEah.
Not doin anything.
"Eighteen stars for your eighteenth birthday - they are supposed to be lucky."
mmm....
| | |
| Its 2am... and I havent half a brain to try and reflect on the thoughts that are passing through my head.
So this is my personal claim to the rest of the world that I will not be poppin around msn, facebook, or whatever online for the rest of the summer. I'll post once or twice a week here, and you can still email me, or give me a ring - just that emails wont be read/answered til past midnight.
If you havent' my number, email and ask of course!
Well actually, my head is a bit spinny at the moment so let me get back to y'all tomorow morning.
//edit//
I found a registration form for hat tournament, and I thought I'd look into it lol...
Granted, my answers were #4 for everything... then I got bored and put my own #5 in there...
Experience
1 0 - 6 months
2 6 months or more, pickup only
3 More than 6 months, tournament experience
4 More than 2 years, mid-level club player
5 Too long to remember, open club/college player
Throwing
1 Can barely throw a forehand, if at all
2 Can throw a forehands and backhands short-range, no breaks
3 Can make longer throws and sometimes break
4 Got hucks and breaks all day
5 Discs anywhere. Any throw, speed, height, or trajectory. Just point. It will appear in 3...2...1...
Stamina
1 I often need to walk through a point to keep my energy
2 I can play 1-2 points without needing a break
3 I can play 2-3 points without needing a break
4 I can play several points and only need a short break to recover
5 I can play several 3-day tournaments savage, and don't know the meaning of tired.
Receiving
1 I have butterfingers
2 Can catch pretty well but has trouble with reading
3 Can catch under pressure and read pretty well
4 Just put it
5 Seek and Destroy!
Speeding
1 My grandmother walks faster than me
2 Can only keep up with a few opponents tops on any given day
3 Can hold my own against most
4 My shadow can’t keep up
5 ...The art of teleportation...
feel free to add to this list =P
| | |
| so.
need something witty to say when I go.
I really want to be all like... hi I want to play ultimate, will you let me?
But I thought about it and decided that doing so would ruin my chances at joining a competitive team. There are a few local teams which are supposedly really competitive. Freakshow, Disc Knights, Shiok, and Chuckie... I think there are more but I have heard the most about Freakshow. There is also the local schools.
So I was thinking, I would post on the forum as such...
"Hi, Im new to the area, and Im looking for a competitive team to play with. I (would like to believe) can throw any throw, hit any runner, and dump like no other (hahaha....that just... ugh. Ill leave that in there...). Other characteristics I fantasize myself possessing include the lack of hesitation to lay out for anything, high, low, fast, or swilly, and play with a boundless competitive edge (ok, thats a oxymoron! haha. get it? boundless...edge...then its not an edge..?? cuz... gah. whatever. LOL.) that sometimes gets the better of me. Ive got hops, Ive got speed, Ive got throws, and an ego to boot. Is there a team with which will keep me hungry for more? Thanks!"
OR just straight up
"I rock. I need a team. Thanks"
LOL.
Ill keep trying and see what I come up with...
"Hi, I want to play with a competitive mixed or open team. I lay out for anything, I throw (most) any throw, I run every disc, I dont mind playing savage once in awhile, and I want to kick serious ass. Let me know."
| | |
| I don't know what it is about me that makes me think about these people over and over again. I think perhaps I'm a sucker for friendships. Maybe I take things too lightly. Maybe I am such a recluse, that anyone who even dares to come within my bubble... I accept...and cling... and hold onto for dear life.
Am I really so insecure? So insecure that I seek the acceptance of the rest of the world. I talk big and feel small. I put on a brave face and march into the wilderness, and never expect to see the light of day - or so I say. Inside I am scared, pathetic and small. I feel like an outcast wherever I go - if I don't, I seem to put myself in that frame of mind. Maybe it's just tonight. Maybe I'm just talking out of my ass to get attention. At this point I suppose my judgment is so clouded over that I can't tell.
I want my hugs, I need to be touched, I need to know that there are other people out there who feel the same way I do. Well, I don't know. I miss you. I miss me. I miss my good days. Why do they go away? How come I stay up at these hours. Why don't I just quit work. Why don't I just do jack shit. I should ... i dont know. My time will come, I know. Just work those extra hours for a few days, forego seeing my friends for a few more weeks. Make it all happen. Just give it time, time which I dont have, which I dont want to waste.
I hate you. I hate when you talk, when you go out to get drunk. I hate you and your habits. i hate it when you say youre gonna go get plastered. I hate it when you smell of alcohol. I hate it when you divulge radical storeis of drunkness that you cant even remember clearly. I want to kick you in the face and beat you up whenever you talk about it. What is it about me? I hate when guys talk about sex and hot girls and whatever all day. Shutup. Stop talking through your dick. is that really all you can think of? Booze, sex, and getting the hot girl? I hate being a boy. Fuck. Should just go die. Why am i associated with such immoral losers. Selfish shit.
I want to run, I want to hide, I want to cry. I cant say what is on my mind. I dont know whats wrong with me. Make it stop.
| | |
|
